I’ve been consuming a few things, politely stealing people’s processes and how they work in order to engage in my own practice. I must stress I love the term practice, since in the end it can all be a bit of an experiment
On August 25th I somehow managed to fill up three urns with my mouth, and then made cups of tea. My desperate anxiety returned when I realised I’d eaten a few nuts and therefore my tea was liable to lead to anaphylaxis for anyone with a nut allergy. Never mind my spit and saliva. (I swear I didn’t vomit, but I gagged enough I may well have done) I poured in just enough milk and presented it with my bound hands, carrying it on my hip. The tea poured on and stained my white boxer shorts. Which I framed for posterity "tea stained" they say, written by Becci’s neat handwriting.
And that’s to forget about the day I was a mouse, and Ruby sang me songs on the underground. But I wasn’t just a mouse; I was the skeleton of the mouse that I crushed between my piano fingers. I like to imagine I was playing Beethoven, but really it was the entertainer – and I still managed to squeeze him so hard that his tail turned pink. (But he had two tails. Didn’t my drawing show that)
The drawing itself lies above my bed. I’d ask you to recreate it, if my feet weren’t springing off the ceiling. I have those kinds of springs you see, from an armchair worn, tea stained. (Recoiling back to the boxer shorts I fear!)
And more recently I learnt yoga, or more specifically, how to find that point on my back that hurts. How to tap into it and push it away (and how to endure) I also remembered and recalled my desire to fight. I fight you see. I fight.
I also learnt the other day, how to take an emotion and scrunch it up into a performance. I believe that’s integral now to my practice. I never knew I could do that, till I had that revelation (and didn’t it suit me so?)
I guess this is a “co-cough-a-nee” (choke choke in the corner, quiet back there) of all my thoughts and where my flights of fantasy have been taking me. I guess the answer really is elsewhere, but as you can see my mind is very busy,
I still feel awfully heavy though
